My mate Sam: “Don’t buy Wills extra-mild cigarettes. Always Kent soft packs. Never sell your first car. And never forget your first love. Sometimes they’re the same thing.”
This was fun. “Learn a trade,” says Jaydo. “Travel wildly and widely.” My neighbour Bro is caught heading off to run her inner-north school: “Don’t leave Paris in 1986. Move away from your family. Keep moving forward.”
Everyone had something to say. “Wear more sunscreen, shag fewer losers, invest in bitcoins,” says Katy. Mia: “Never stop doing handstands because you’ll lose your nerve and never be able to do them again.”
Teddy loves the advice about doing one thing every day that scares you. Twenty-six years ago, that made her get in touch with a bloke she’d met at a party who said he’d call but didn’t. Turns out he was waiting to be paid so he could take her out. They’re still together, their two daughters grown.
“Never be afraid to get mad even if you might say things you regret later,” says my mate Ange. Paula is wistful: “Start trying for children many years sooner.” Lou is thinking compound interest: “Start a small shares portfolio in your 20s. Pretend it doesn’t exist until you’re 60 when your nest egg will be a treasure chest.”
Back to the teenage me. What would I tell her? That happiness is a choice. Not to worry so much or let other people’s opinions of you be your opinion. Say yes way more than no. Learn to run. And run towards things, not from them.
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Pain is part of the deal. It’s not failing you’ll regret, it’s not trying. Get therapy. Know it’s true what you’ll read one day: the two things you never regret are having a swim and having a baby. “Me” time is best with someone else.
Kate, take dance classes, give up the booze and get a Mirena earlier, get the address of the fella you pashed at the Spanish train station. Embrace chaos — perfection doesn’t exist. Practise, practise, practise. Start brushing your hair.
Important: save yourself. Nobody else is coming to do it.
Also, at 18 you’re already more powerful than you realise. Enjoy it all. As Cameron Diaz said, “Just live it, ride it out, do it as you want to. It all ends up good.”
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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