IT’S that time of year again — and celebrities, companies and even local councils around Australia are having a lend of us with their April Fool’s Day jokes.
Here are some of the jokes online:
LOTE TUQIRI’S LOTTOLAND PRANK
Lottoland Australia (Lottoland) and former rugby league player Lote Tuqiri announced a commercial partnership that saw the dual international superstar become a Lottoland ambassador.
As part of the deal, Tuqiri changed his name to ‘Lote Land’.
Mr Land headed to the Queensland Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages on March 30
to make the name change official. It had been initially hoped to reveal Lote Land to the public at Manly’s home ground – Lottoland – next Saturday, 8 April ahead of their match against the Dragons. But they brought the announcement forward a week to April 1.
“When I was approached by Lottoland to change my name I thought it was a gee up, but as we got talking it sounded like a great idea and a natural fit,” he said.
“Everyone used to get my name wrong anyway, and now I’m loving my time as Lote Land. I feel like I’ve won the jackpot!”
DANE SWAN ANNOUNCES RETURN TO AFL
Magpies legend Dane Swan announced on Sportsbet.com.au’s Facebook page that he is ready to “pull the boots back on again”.
The tattooed Brownlow Medallist retired in August last year, after suffering a horrific leg injury in Round 1.
But, fresh off his turn in the African Jungle with reality TV show I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, says his foot is feeling “pretty good” after having a kick “with my mate’s local footy side”.
He extended an invitation to Collingwood president Eddie McGuire to help him get back in the game.
“Ed, if you’re listening, I’m ready to go we need to make this happen somehow,” he said.
IKEA TAKES TO THE SKIES
IKEA has today unveiled plans to launch the world’s first non-stop flight from Australia to Sweden, as part of its plans to launch a low-cost airline, aptly named FLIKEA.
“Using a fleet of five custom-fit aircraft, the single-class airline will launch in 2019 and will use the five dimensions of Democratic Design unique to IKEA to reduce aircraft weight and fuel requirements, resulting in a dramatically reduced transit time, lower ticket price, and cutting out the need for any stopovers,” the airliner said in a press release.
VIRGIN UNLEASHES CANINE CREW
Virgin Australia today announced it was introducing a world-first Canine Crew service.
“Hundreds of dogs have been specially trained at a new purpose built canine crew training facility over the past few months in preparation for their introduction to service on all Boeing 737, Airbus A330 and Boeing 777 aircraft in the Virgin Australia fleet,” the airliner said in a press release.
Virgin even posted a video on social media showing the said Canine Crew in training.
KRISPY KREME LAUNCHES THEME PARK
The doughnut maker today announced it would operate the world’s first doughnut-themed amusement park.
“Several sites south of Perth’s CBD are currently being considered for Krispy Kreme World,” the company said in a statement to the media.
The park would take up 25 hectares and be up and running by early 2022.
“Krispy Kreme World will be divided into four primary precincts and include several rides, doughnut bars, production factory and Krispy Dream, a new innovation centre where you can create new doughnuts and desserts,” the company added.
ADELAIDE AND KANGAROO ISLAND IN LAND SWAP
The City of Adelaide and Kangaroo Island councils announced details of a historic “land swap”, adelaidenow reports
Lord Mayor Martin Haese and KI Mayor Peter Clements bobbed up on radio Fiveaa this morning to announce their plan rebadge Lindes Lane in the city to “Kangaroo Lane” and give it to Kangaroo Island in exchange for a bit of land at Emu Bay. They’re gonna need a big truck.
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS EXTENDED FOR MELBOURNE CBD
Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle today unveiled a radical plan for Melbourne’s CBD to retain daylight savings to increase autumn trade.
As Victorians prepare to turn back the clocks tomorrow morning, Cr Doyle backed a one-month pilot program for the CBD saying the extended time frames would boost business.
Cr Doyle admitted it was a bold plan but one that would work.
“Melbourne’s night time economy is thriving: one new cafe or restaurant opens in the municipality every week,’’ Cr Doyle said.
“We know in warmer months and during daylight savings more people go out for a meal after work, catch up with friends.
“We should continue to embrace that.’’
GELATO THAT TREATS SENSITIVE TEETH
Gelatissimo is launching the world’s first artisan gelato that treats sensitive teeth. The company has worked with leading Australian dentists to create a flavour that is clinically proven to relieve the symptoms caused by tooth sensitivity.
‘WORLD’S FIRST OAT POWERED BATTERIES’
UNCLE TOBYS launched ‘O Energy’ Oat batteries, an innovation that will transform the energy industry as the world’s first renewable batteries powered entirely by oats.
During a top-secret project, scientists harnessed the natural oat energy source with rigorous testing and technological enhancements. After years of analysis, scientists believe that batteries powered by oats are more powerful and long lasting than any other household battery on the market.
DELIVEROO GOES SKY HIGH
Today, Deliveroo launched its Extreme Delivery service that engages skydivers rather than bike riders to deliver food to a broader location base. Deliveroo partnered with Melbourne-based phenomenon, Huxtaburger, delivering its mouth-watering burgers to locations off the beaten track.
GROUPON’S TRENDIEST WORKOUT
The G1500 revolutionises traditional functional training routines with exercises like waste training, virtual reality cycle and flotation yoga, plus cryogenic fro-yo and wearable tech support stations.
Designed by Groupon, G1500 combines 15 health and fitness trends into an ultra-intensive 15-minute workout.
Supported by motivation science research from the I.C.A.N Doit Institute, the 15-minute G1500 workout follows optimal ‘training-to-rest’ ratios to achieve maximum staying power, with 47 seconds allocated to complete each activity station, and 13 seconds to recuperate and centre oneself.
CONTIKI TURNS TO ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
Travel company Contiki turned to ‘Artificial Intelligence Trip Managers’ or A.T.I.T.A to create a new, state-of-the-art travel experience. They created an artificial intelligence trip manager. Each A.T.I.T.A is programmed with a database of over 1.5 billion travel facts, tips and recommendations as well as 100,000 jokes.
ING TRIES TO PRINT CASH ON DEMAND
ING DIRECT today unveiled a prototype of the iTM, a smartphone that utilises the latest in 3D printing technology to print cash notes on demand.
Eliminating the need to use traditional ATMs, the state-of-the-art mobile device enables users to withdraw Australian Dollars direct from their Orange Everyday account by linking directly with the ING DIRECT app.
ME BANK’S SNAG CARD
ME Bank today launched Snag™, a new debit card that reimburses customers on sausage sizzle purchases.
The bank has released the card in honour of the humble Aussie snag – a national icon and the taste of Australian democracy.
The new card is fitted with cutting-edge SmellWave™ technology that automatically detects the aroma of freshly cooked snags, so customers only need to tap the card on a sausage and $2.50 is deposited in their account.
The card is styled in BBQ-brown and comes with a bread-textured phone case.
EHARMONY USES ‘INSTANT MAGNETISM’
eHarmony announced via its’ social channels a powerful new feature of “magnetism” to its’ dating app. The feature literally drags you and your perfect match together in the real world, by turning your eHarmony app on your phone into an incredibly strong magnet. There’s even an eHarmony microsite dedicated to this one.
CUPONATION INVENTS THE ‘CHILD WHEEL’
CupoNation has come up with a way to save on power costs in Australia, while investing in your children’s health, by creating the ‘Child Wheel’.
The Child Wheel is designed for children to play and exercise. While using the wheel for running, the generated energy flows into the rechargeable batteries.
Its way of functioning can be compared to how hybrid cars work, but with no other power source than the child itself. The wheel is designed in a way that for every lap the maximum amount of torque is delivered, resulting in the optimal energy conversion.
THE TATTOO SPELL CHECKER APP
Travel Insurance Direct launched a new app, known as the ‘TID: We’ve Got Your Back’ App, a free tattoo spell checker. Ahead of tourists getting inked, the App will simply scans the artist’s flash-sheet to reveal any pesky tattoo typos among English, Thai and Indonesian characters, ensuring they aren’t scarred for life.
TELCO’S SOLUTION TO OUTSOURCING
Australian Telecommunications company, Infiniti Telecommunications announced a new customer service. Instead of outsourcing their call centres, customers will soon have to live chat directly with a specially created cloud-computer program designed to simulate conversations with a human support team.. They promise this will mean no more waiting on hold to get through to a customer service rep, and customers will receive the same scripted answer as they do now when they call an outsourced call centre.
A WAY TO ‘TAP AND SNIFF’
Audible Australia’s April Fool’s spoof included the launch of Audible.com.au’s latest product, the Tap & Sniff; a world first mobile plug in device that releases scents matched to the scene of the audiobook you are listening to.
The campaign was built off the back of research that revealed scents are important for Aussie readers, with two-thirds (66 per cent) of digitally engaged Australians saying they like the smell of books.
The device will allow listeners the pleasure of a sensory journey, experiencing freshly baked cookies on the counters of a kitchen, while listening to an audiobook about it.
CLOCKS WITH THE SMELL OF BACON
Travelodge, TFE Hotels, partnered with Sensorwake so guests could wake up to the smell of bacon with new alarm clocks. All guests do is program the clock with the time they want to wake up and it will automatically release the smell of bacon.
GIFT RETAILER SELLS WATER TASTING
RedBalloon today offered six new “unique experiences” for April.
Take your pick from water tasting masterclasses; Pokemon day tours; a pet chocolate bath; naked paintball and a dabbing masterclass!
“We’ve curated a new and unique range of experiences to cater for your wants, needs and interests,” the online retailer says of the new range on its website.