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Chusnul Khotimah is still dealing with the serious burns she suffered in the first Bali bombing in October 2002.
The mother of three was walking along a narrow laneway next to Paddy's Bar in Kuta when the first bomb that night exploded, sending an electricity pole into her face.
As she crawled away in agony she felt the sudden heat of the second bomb that moments later ripped through the Sari Club nearby.
Fifteen years on, the burns to Ms Khotimah's face and hands have left her permanently scarred.
She still needs regular treatment for her skin. Yet, Ms Khotimah long ago found it in herself to forgive those behind the bombing.
She was one of dozens of victims of terror attacks who agreed to come face-to-face with convicted terrorists in the first meeting of its kind in Indonesia.
The Indonesian Government has brought together more than 120 ex-terrorists and 51 terror attack survivors at a meeting in Jakarta, aimed at advancing the process of reconciliation.
Ten years ago, a meeting like this would have been unimaginable.
In a large room at the Hotel Borobudur, former terrorists and attack victims sat almost side-by-side.
Deradicalised terrorist apologises for 'family of bombers'
Barely a table away from Ms Khotimah was Ali Fauzi, the one-time chief bomb-maker for Jemaah Islamiah, the terror group behind the Bali bombing.
Mr Fauzi's two brothers, Ali Ghufron and Amrozi, were two of the masterminds in Bali. Both were later executed, while a third brother Ali Imron is still in jail.
Ali Fauzi also spent three years in jail for terror-related offences. But today he is a changed man. He is the highest-profile terrorist in Indonesia to successfully undergo deradicalisation.
Like others at the Hotel Borobudur yesterday he reached out to terror attack victims.
"In the name of the family of Bali bombers, I would like to apologise," he said.
"Since 2014 I continue going around to apologise to those who have been hurt and become victims of my brothers' actions both in Bali, Surabaya and Jakarta."
Another convicted terrorist, Sofyan Tsauri, is a former policeman who joined Al Qaeda and later led training camps for terror recruits.
He too has undergone deradicalisation, and now works to stop others like him joining militant groups, much to the disgust of his former comrades.
"They terrorise me, they call me a traitor, but I don't care," he said.
"We have to pay attention to the victims' suffering.
"We are responsible to God for every drop of blood spilled."
Not everyone is ready to forgive
Terror convicts and victims alike have travelled a long and difficult journey to be in this room.
Toni Sumarno still has permanent injuries including serious burns to his hands, from the 2003 Marriott Hotel bombing in Jakarta.
But he bears no grudge towards his attackers.
"We have to forgive each other. We have to love each other. In any religion in the world we have to love each other," he said.
But not everyone is quite ready to forgive and forget.
German man Frank Feulner was wounded when suicide bombers blew themselves up in a Starbucks cafe two years ago.
He supports the idea of reconciliation. But it has taken a backseat to his long-running campaign for compensation.
"I have not made up my mind at this moment," he said.
"I think currently the victims' minds from the Thamrin [Starbucks] attack still circulate around the immediate needs of paying medical bills and getting the system in place to allow for compensation."
Nor were all terror convicts at the meeting equally contrite.
Ardin Janata is a former militant from Sulawesi. He was sentenced to jail for attacks against Christians at Poso, more than a decade ago.
"I feel sorry in my personal capacity, but in terms of religion, I have no regret," he said.
"I did what other people had done to us. I retaliated. I personally regret what I had done.
"Those people killed Muslims in the year 2000."
Many survivors too are still too traumatised to meet their attackers in person, let alone offer forgiveness.
Some are also angry at the Indonesian Government, accusing them of doing more for terrorists than it has for the victims.
Ms Khotimah addressed Indonesian ministers at the meeting and begged for financial compensation to cover her ongoing medical costs.
Indonesia hailed yesterday's meeting as a major step towards reconciliation. Although many of the victims the ABC met said they had not spoken personally to those behind their own attacks.
At least two survivor groups boycotted the meeting altogether. The Indonesian Survivors Foundation said the rights of victims were more important than reconciliation.
"Personally I'm not ready to meet them. I don't know who they are, but I believe there is a risk to my psychological condition and security of my family," a spokeswoman Ni Luh Erniati said.
She said while the Government had good intentions, many survivors were simply too traumatised to meet their attackers face-to-face.
Topics: terrorism, community-and-society, indonesia
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