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When Gwen Cherne thinks of her late husband Pete, she wishes there was one message she could send him: that he was loved and worth fighting for.
Key points:
- War widows struggling with isolation and homeschooling say Anzac Day will be harder this year
- Many will stand at the end of their driveway as part of a national movement to honour the fallen
- The women say the Anzac spirit is still alive and well, even in hard times
The career soldier served in East Timor, Cambodia, Afghanistan and Iraq and had time to offer comfort and solace to many he mentored during his multiple tours, but it was a battle with his own mental health he could not win.
Sergeant Peter Cafe was one of the many returned servicemen who have died by suicide.
The special forces soldier struggled with depression and anxiety following a stroke during his service in Iraq.
For Ms Cherne, being a single mother with two children at home during the coronavirus lockdown has only reinforced the fact her husband is not there.
"Schooling at home is really hard. That makes the fact of Pete's absence clear and obvious every day, and that's hard," she said.
Ms Cherne was supposed to be at the national Anzac Day memorial service in Canberra this year, but instead will be at home with her two children, Emily, 8, Lachlan, 5.
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Despite the challenges, she is more determined to honour her husband's legacy.
This year, the military family will be among hundreds of thousands of families around the country who will walk to the end of their driveways at first light in lieu of now-cancelled dawn services.
"It's amazing how many people have gotten behind it," she said.
"It's people in their own homes who are remembering you don't actually have to come together physically to connect.
"It also shows the Anzac spirit is alive and lives in every neighbourhood of Australia."
The family will also sleep outside the night beforehand to raise awareness about homeless veterans.
"We lose too many veterans every year to suicide, and being alone and drinking, or feeling isolated, is just going to be exacerbated this year," she said.
"The message I want to send to each one of them is: we need you here tomorrow."
Sergeant Cafe's eldest son, Tom, 21, is in the same regiment, 3RAR in Townsville, and Ms Cherne said she and her children miss her stepson "terribly".
Ms Cherne said her husband was never able to summon the courage to ask for help but she hoped her story would encourage other veterans who were struggling to reach out on Anzac Day.
"He was the first one to care for people and do things for them to make sure they were OK," she said.
"I wish we could have done more for him to let him know he was loved and worth fighting for."
Legacy helping women through the generations
Women like Ms Cherne continue to be helped by long-serving charities like Legacy.
"Legacy has been there for us since the day Pete died. They've been there with emotional support, they've been there with some financial support," she said.
Legacy's charitable works have helped generations of Australian women, including 102-year-old Mavis Williamson.
Ms Williamson's late husband Leslie served in Darwin during World War II and was unloading US supply ships when the city was bombed by the Japanese.
"They'd have to dive for cover when the bombs come over," she said.
"He had a revolver that he said used to shoot around corners. It wasn't any good whatsoever but he never had to use it."
The Williamsons were married before he went to war and they were new parents when Mr Williamson was called to serve in 1942, not returning until 1945.
"I found it very, very difficult," she said.
"He went straight after we had her christened."
Ms Williamson kept in touch with her husband via letters and sent him cakes in the post.
"I even sent eggs up to Darwin with tape all over them to try and get them up there," she said.
Like many veterans, Mr Williamson went into the armed forces a "brash young man".
"Very different when he came home, of course," Ms Williamson said.
"Very grown-up when he came home."
Like so many men of his generation, Mr Williamson did not like to speak of his wartime experiences and instead turned his efforts to working with organisations such as Legacy.
Mr Williamson died in 2000 from heart disease and Ms Williamson admits "he'd be amazed" she was still around at 102 years of age.
All that time Legacy has not let her down, she said, now bringing her food because of panic-buying during the coronavirus crisis.
"I gave some back because it's too much," she said.
"Legacy helps me by being in touch with me. That's one of the main things."
Legacy volunteers helping those in isolation not feel alone
Among those making sure the good work of Legacy continues is volunteer De'Arne Prosser.
Her husband Tom Prosser was a career soldier who served in Malaya and Vietnam with the 1RAR.
"I was actually a civilian working for the army when I met him," she said.
With no encouragement from their parents, the Prossers' two sons went on to serve in the army and air force, and their grandson is now in the army.
Mr Prosser died from a heart attack in 2000.
Ms Prosser typically spends Anzac Day at Perth's Anzac Day March, where her sons carry the flag for the 1RAR.
During isolation, Ms Prosser has been continuing her work with Legacy, phoning widows to check on them.
"The majority of them are doing very well," she said.
"When you ring the older widows aged 90 and up, they're all dealing quite well actually, and they have family ringing them."
This Anzac Day, she will also stand at the end of her driveway and reflect on both those who served in the past as well as those serving now.
It includes those defence force members currently helping with the coronavirus outbreak.
"What they're doing in helping with the COVID in hospitals — they stand up wherever they are," she reflected.
"Whether they are serving overseas, or whether they're at home, they stand up and are very proud of what they do and who they are."
Topics: anzac-day, health, mental-health, suicide, diseases-and-disorders, world-war-2, unrest-conflict-and-war, community-and-society, history, australia