I used to say things like, “I can’t have kids right now, my career is my No.1 priority”. In hindsight, I realise how condescending that statement is. It implies that if you have children, your career has taken a back seat, or you’re not as capable as you once were.

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This entire conversation brings into question the language we use in the workplace at large, which is enforced from the top down. For example, referring to a team of employees as a “family” is a red flag. While it’s wonderful to see workplaces fostering a culture of collaboration, and colleagues who truly enjoy spending their time together, the very nature of family often means accepting others for who they are, regardless of damaging behaviour, because that’s unconditional love. But work is inherently a transactional agreement. So often, the companies that see themselves as “one big happy family” are the most toxic.

In today’s society, women face unprecedented pressure to choose between their careers and starting a family — for me, getting pregnant became the catalyst for examining from where these pressures originated.

Often, we can say things like “my career is my baby” without thinking twice. It can be tempting to add weight to what you’re working on as a way of signalling to others the significance your career, your business, or a specific project holds to you. Referring to something as your child, particularly as a woman, is a shorthand way of saying something is a noble cause and should be beyond their reproach.

If you’ve chosen not to have children (or if you are unable to), you may feel that the phrase is a subtle way of reminding you of what you’re missing out on. If you’ve chosen to have children, the phrase may make you feel that your experience as a working mother isn’t fully understood.

As always, the term is simply a reflection of larger issues at play when it comes to women navigating career and motherhood.

But instead of career versus baby, my career is my baby, or my team is my family, let’s redraw the boundaries clearly: Family is family, whatever its shape or size, and work is work.

Michelle Battersby is the co-founder and chief marketing officer of Sunroom.

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