I’m a senior person in a small team. One of my colleagues became visibly upset in the middle of the day. I, as well as several colleagues, checked to see what the matter was.

I didn’t notice at the time, but one member of the team stayed at their desk and didn’t comfort the distressed co-worker. Later, as part of a casual work conversation, it was mentioned that the behaviour of the person who had kept to themselves was questionable. That wasn’t the word used, but it was the nub of the idea.

The incident happened some time ago now, but I have found myself thinking back to it and to the accusation of heartlessness. I have gone back and forth on whether I should have done something. Or was this an insightful criticism that I should have taken more seriously?

I think we should be really careful about making assumptions about people’s intentions in any situation, including at work.

Of course, if someone screams abuse at a colleague in the office, we can be confident they’re trying to intimidate, humiliate or demean them. And if someone brazenly lies about the authorship of a well-received piece of work, we can be fairly sure they’re attempting to steal accolades.

But in so many cases, what’s going on in a person’s head as they take an action – or, in this circumstance, don’t take one – isn’t easy to deduce.

Was this a genuine question about behaviour or a sly attempt to undermine via groundless accusation?

Yes, it’s possible your colleague remained at their desk because they’re a bitter misanthrope and unmoved by the apparent suffering of a peer. And it’s also possible that if theirs is the kind of vicious cynicism that frays the fabric of a work culture, it might be in the best interests of everyone you work with to have words.

But is there any evidence beyond the inaction itself that this was a deliberate show of disdain or cruelty? Was there a sneer? A shake of the head? An incredulous look? Had this person said anything before, or did they say anything after, that made it clear they didn’t care?