Dropping in used to be a common way of staying in touch, but is it still okay to do it?

Etiquette expert Anna Musson says unexpected visitors can be a horrifying thought for many.

"If you're dropping past … and they just get a knock on the door, most people look at one another with terror."

But she still remains a fan of the casual drop-in and says with some friends it can be perfectly reasonable — for her that's her family friends who live around the corner.

"Sometimes [my husband and I] just turn up in their driveway and say 'we're here!' … we know they're always happy for us to arrive."

Pick your audience

Ms Musson says you should ask yourself who are you visiting? And what's the precedent between you?

"If it's someone you don't know well, or someone who is particularly house proud, five minutes warning is the minimum — even if that means you pull up, and you text them from the driveway," she says. 

Generational difference

Ms Musson says the older generations tend to be more comfortable with drop-ins as they did it growing up. 

Twenty-four-year-old Dharani McDonald from Naarm/Melbourne says they think people in their generation like the idea of drop-ins but are worried about intruding.

"[On the one hand] I'd love someone to just drop around and be like, 'Hey, what's going on?' But at the same time what if I'm just wanting to relax for the evening, and someone comes in and disrupts those plans."

Dharani used to enjoy dropping in to see friends but feels it's become harder after the pandemic.

"I think it'd be really nice building that community vibe around young people connecting with each other by randomly dropping in … but also still being empowered to say, 'Oh, no, sorry I'm actually busy today, do you mind if we catch up another time?'"

"I kind of hope … [it] comes back."

Read the room 

Ms Musson says it's important to give the hosts the opportunity to decline having you come in. 

"Because the worst thing is we've caught them in the middle of something, they weren't prepared and you've landed on their doorstep [with] that sense of obligation."

She says even if the person is insisting you come but you can see it's not a good time, offer to reschedule.

Dropping in on someone with kids

Emily Henwood and her partner live with their 18-month year old son Gus in Sale, east of Naarm/Melbourne.

She says before having a baby she wouldn't give "two stuffs" about people coming around unannounced.

"But now it's more important that we know if people are going to show up because we could be dealing with a toddler meltdown or … doing other things as a family." 

She says in a perfect world an hour's notice would work best for her now.

Emily says most of her friends are understanding they might need to sit outside to chat if Gus is sleeping or hang out in the shed with her partner while she does the bedtime routine.

"Some of our friends would come in and see that we haven't been able to do the dishes, and they're here to spend time with us. But they're like, 'Oh no, I'm doing the dishes for you while you guys are dealing with [Gus].'"

She says the time of day someone's coming over is now more important with a toddler.

Never go empty-handed

Ms Musson says there is one golden rule you need to go by if you're dropping in on someone else.

"Never arrived empty-handed. If you are going to drop in on someone, make sure you have something in your hand, preferably something in each hand."

She says if you don't end up staying you can always leave it with them.

"[Bringing something] always softens the blow of dropping in," Ms Musson says. 

Open invitation in some country towns

Fifty-three-year-old Anthony Bolden from Coleraine in Victoria's west never shows up at a mate's place without bringing drinks.

Anthony has a tight knit group of friends in their town, who see each other most weeks.

He says what starts as a couple of people can end up with 10 people coming over.

"Just on a Sunday afternoon or Saturday afternoon, [I'll] pull up at a mate's place and you'll know they're home and doing nothing, and you'll have a couple of cans."

He's more likely to give a warning if he wants to drop in during the week; however, he sees his friends regularly enough that he knows their plans in advance.

How do you say no to a drop in? 

Ms Musson says if you really don't want someone to come over without warning, it's best to use the sandwich technique: putting the hard news between two nice things.

"This is a conversation you can have after you've perhaps had a glass of wine, [where you tell the other person you need] a 10-minute warning and we'll do the same for you," she says. 

If all else fails, she adds, there's nothing wrong with turning the lights off, being quiet and hiding in your house.

"Because it's your home and if you don't want visitors, you don't need to pretend that you do."