It might be a quick chat message seeking clarification, or an email outlining your interpretation of the discussion. Anything, really, that you can point to if confusion ensues … or the accusations start rolling in.

OK, so what about if the decision wasn’t a misunderstanding at all, but the result of chicanery? Well, if this is true, then I’m a little bit concerned by the way you’ve worded your question.

While I strongly believe that with power comes responsibility – and it sounds like you’ve recently been granted more power than ever before in your career – there’s a difference between taking responsibility and defaulting to “It must be my fault”.

Although witheringly scrutinising your own ‘role’ in a misdeed perpetrated against you is popular advice among certain psychologists, self-help gurus and motivational charlatans, more often than not it leads to nothing more than blame shifting.

In this worldview, the individual is always at the very least partly to blame for the bad thing that’s happened to them. Invariably, the actual perpetrator or the system that has made the injustice possible has its responsibility radically diminished or shoved under the carpet. This strikes me as a good way to re-concrete the status quo and a terrible way of dealing with major problems.

If you had prevaricated or hedged your bets or changed your mind without telling anyone, I think you’d be right to interrogate your own role in this problem. But it seems to me like you acted with integrity - it’s not always easy to speak up for the gentler, more compassionate option.

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Yes, it would have been better if you’d sought clarification in writing, but this omission doesn’t make you culpable. It certainly doesn’t make you the villain of this piece.

How did you let this happen? The far more pertinent questions are: Why did your colleague resort to shafting you? And why is there a regime in your place of work that makes such brazen dishonesty so easy to get away with?

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