Ever heard the saying, "Don't outshine the master"?

It means you should ensure those above you always feel superior, and not go too far in displaying your talents.

What about, "Don't out-earn your partner"?

For 29-year-old Catherine, this was something she was frequently told by her husband's family. 

The Melbourne woman of Chinese and Vietnamese heritage works as a project manager.

As her career has progressed, she's "consistently earned more" than her partners — and has been criticised each time.  

Catherine said her husband was supportive of her earning power, but that her mother disapproved of her career-driven nature.

"My Chinese mother believes women should avoid stress and focus on parenting," she said.

"While my mother-in-law has extensively gossiped about me, claiming I'm 'too smart'."

After she married, Catherine said she was expected by her in-laws to play the role many women have thrust upon them — that of a housewife. 

"She expected me to be a submissive Asian woman who tolerates poor behaviour and plays the housewife role. 

"In her eyes, I'm a 'b***h' who has manipulated and isolated her 'naive' son."

Her brother-in-law has only aggravated her situation.

Catherine's experience is not an isolated one, especially in South Asian communities. 

'I shouldn't threaten his place in the relationship'

Sri Lankan Australian woman Devni Vihara has a similar story with a former partner.

"There was a sense that I shouldn't threaten his place in the relationship by drawing attention to what I wanted to achieve in my career," Devni told the ABC. 

Devni works as a lawyer and content creator, advocating for gender equality and raising awareness about colourism. 

She said it was "bewildering" that her and her ex's incomes were compared.

But this was commonplace in the Sri Lankan community, Devni said. 

"Growing up, I heard countless comments about how men would feel 'less than' their female partner if she was making more than them," she said. 

Devni said it all tied into "the ceilings placed" on the career aspirations of South Asian women. 

'Men are breadwinners by tradition' across Asia

Minako Sakai, an associate professor in South-East Asian social inquiry and Indonesian studies at the University of New South Wales, said there were multiple factors that played into the issue.

They included deeply ingrained patriarchal values, gender stereotypes and even hypergamy — the act of marrying a person of a higher sociological or educational background who can provide for a woman. 

"In South Asia, after marriage, it's very common for the bride's family to provide a gift (money, household goods etc) to their husband's family to ensure the bride's wellbeing in the future," Professor Sakai told the ABC.

She also said South Asian men often found educated, higher-earning women more intimidating, leading to "some men confining women's mobility as a form of control and physical abuse".

Professor Sakai points to Indonesia as an example of how the issue has crept into legislation. 

"The country has a marriage law that recognises men as having the primary responsibility as the breadwinner in the family," she said. 

Similar attitudes are found in East Asia.

"In Japan, men who earn less than tertiary-educated men are usually most likely to stay single as they are not as attractive in the marriage market," Professor Sakai said. 

"As women's job security remains precarious, women tend to go for men who earn a stable income in Japan.

"Thus, it's usually the wife who quits working and stays home. Some women even look for men who are financially capable of providing for the family, so that she could be a full-time wife."

Gender and ethnic pay gaps play a role

Professor Sakai said the situation was different in Australia. 

"In some cases, women earning more than men are welcomed as they take some pressure off of men," she said.

But even if welcomed, women are unlikely to earn more in the first place.

That's because of the gender pay gap — the difference between the earnings of women and men.

The most recent data from Australia's Workplace Gender Equality Agency showed women made on average $18,000 less than men over a year.

It found men were paid more at many of Australia's major companies, including those in banking, retail, legal and mining.

Add cultural diversity into the mix and the challenge gets even greater for women.

In Australia, women from diverse backgrounds spend up to eight years longer in middle management compared to women from Anglo or European backgrounds, according to research from MindTribes in 2022.  

They also get paid less, the research found.

In 2022, the ethnic gender pay gap was double the national average gender pay gap, hovering around 33-36 per cent compared to 14 per cent.

'Why do you even need to work?'

Jasmine Babbar, who was born in Punjab, India and moved to Melbourne at 16, is another bucking the trend and earning more than her husband.

She said she was made to feel "guilty" for being the breadwinner in her relationship. 

The 32-year-old entrepreneur, who now lives in Mumbai, works in media and entertainment, as does her husband of eight years. 

While Jasmine's husband and his family are supportive of her career, her own relatives and even work colleagues are not. 

"'Who cooks at home?' 'Why do you even need to work?' 'Doesn't your husband mind?' These are comments I still receive from people," she said. 

Jasmine said she's often left wondering whether she should "let her partner be the breadwinner".

Fortunately, she said, her partner was "so secure as a person" and her biggest cheerleader. 

'Harmful expectations' placed on men

Anika, a 30-year-old Indian Australian from Melbourne, has faced similar questioning from her dad's side of the family who are "slightly conservative".

She's a small business owner and often travels for work while her partner is a full-time performing artist.

"I've had comments from my grandad like, 'stop adventuring and doing so many things. Your main role is to be a wife and a mother'," Anika told the ABC.

Anika said such attitudes stemmed from "conservative values", where the woman, though working, was still expected to lead other responsibilities like looking after the house, family and children.

Anika said her partner had always been supportive of her career and she acknowledges the harmful "masculine expectations" that are placed on him in South Asian culture. 

Jasmine echoes this.

"I feel the root cause is lack of awareness."

Jasmine said education from an early age, both inside and outside of the school environment, was vital moving forward.