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Even the most optimistic of Australian cricket fans must be viewing the imminent Test series against India with a touch of existential dread.
The four-Test series begins February 23 in Pune, with pundits and former players mostly prophesying a series whitewash in India's favour.
Should such a horrible thing happen, the knives will be out for all and sundry. No player, coach, selector or 12th man on drinks duty will be safe.
If you want to save yourself the brain aneurysm, here is our guide on how take a deep breath and rationally digest every series eventuality like a normal, sane human being.
India wins the series 4-0
Yell, scream and rage into that good night. Demand the sacking of the selectors and coach. If Steve Smith isn't already on notice, then he damn well should be.
Tell everyone who will hear you that we all saw this coming. Deep down we all knew. This team was so badly equipped for a tour of India, and yet we sent these cricketing lambs to the Indian slaughterhouse all the same.
At some point, Shaun Marsh and Glenn Maxwell's temerity to be named in the touring squad should get a mention, before all attention is expended on how David Warner should be captain.
While the likes of Steve O'Keefe and Nathan Lyon toil against spin-seasoned Indian batsmen, join the growing calls to replace them wholesale with a vast swathe of undercooked spinners who bowled well once in a Big Bash match.
Australia draws one match as India wins 3-0
Resign yourself to the glum reality that touring sides are all struggling in Test cricket at the moment.
If it helps numb the crushing pain, remind yourself that there are no great Test teams right now (including India! Ha!) and that the Indian team always struggles on the road.
When the draw occurs, go big on the fact that it's the template for future dominance as we show our true Aussie grit. Unless it's because of the rain, in which case, go bigger.
Proceed to block every English media pundit on Twitter, but retweet a few of Shane Warne's sage team-selection suggestions. Then ponder over think pieces on whether Warne could still hack it in Test cricket, aged 47.
Australia snares a win but still loses the series
Be it 2-1 or 3-1, winning a Test should go down as a minor victory for the Aussies and India, but crucially it will depend on when the win occurred.
If we win a Test early in the series, it's go-big-or-go-home time. Puff out your chest. Tell the world it's seeing the real deal in this Australian Test team, that India is quaking in its boots and that years of domination are set to follow.
Bookmark every Facebook post and tweet you send out on this topic. You will need to delete them later on.
When the inevitable Indian turnaround occurs and the hosts clinch the series, forget about all the positives you saw in the early win and lambast the team for not having the fight required to hold on for dear life.
If said win is a mere consolation victory at the end of the series, aim for a more constructive tone. Give missives like 'this is the template for future greatness' and 'this match was the better reflection of a tight series', before reading up on the next young up-and-comer in the Sheffield Shield who needs to replace Shaun Marsh, stat.
India only manages a 1-0 series victory
Haha, take that India! You may have won the series but we all know who the true moral victors were.
This will be one of those more enjoyable losses to savour as you get to milk the bravado for all it's worth. Mighty India scraping to a 1-0 win over four Tests on home soil? Pah! Let them come to Australia for a real game of cricket.
Laud Steve Smith for having such a wise head on young shoulders. Praise the likes of David Warner and Peter Handscomb for battling displays. Demand all our spinners be replaced despite mostly containing India's batsmen.
Australia draws the series
Jump. Shout. Roar. Stand on tables and dance. Write poetry. Kiss your loved ones.
Call your mother and tell her you appreciate all the little things she did that got you through school.
Feel the tingles down your back and consciously digest what it is to be alive.
Australia somehow sneaks a 1-0 win
As nonsensical as all of that was, a series win for the tourists feels even more outrageous.
At this point, feel free to rate Australia's win as equal to (if not greater) than the achievements of Leicester City, the Chicago Cubs or the Western Bulldogs.
Then take your life savings and book your ticket on the mission-to-Mars colonisation effort. You're leaving this world on a high.