“I’m on the plane”. Picture: Brendon Thorne

YESTERDAY I spent 9 ½ hours on a Qantas flight. I napped, watched a few movies, read a bit, and generally chilled out.

Flying is just about the closest most of us ever get to a state of Zen, where nothing can trouble us unless the meal trolleys run out of our preferred main.

You know what I didn’t do, and absolutely did not want to do for those blissful few hours when nobody expected anything of me except that I choose between tea and coffee? Go on the internet.

So it’s with considerable trepidation that I read about Qantas’ forthcoming introduction of Wi-Fi across its network. Admittedly, it uses the NBN, so we may not actually see it for years to come — and it’s already been delayed, which is the first word we all think of on reading the word NBN.

Say goodbye to that little plane in the top left corner.Source:Supplied

Admittedly, I’m excited by the prospect of streaming video in the sky to broaden the often limited supply of in-flight movies. Qantas’ deal with Stan is promising — and let’s hope other services follow.

But while at first on-board Wi-Fi sounds like a welcome convenience, there are troubling implications. One of the few oases where everybody understands we simply can’t be reached is about to disappear. Right now, your phone goes into flight mode while on the ground, and doesn’t get switched back on until the wheels are safely back on terra firma. But in a few months or years, our phones will vibrate with notifications from takeoff to touchdown, and peoples from our loved ones to our employers will expect us to be reachable.

Being ‘reachable’ is the great trap in modern society. It’s why so many of us put in far longer hours than the eight or so we’re actually paid for, because if you don’t reply to a work email at 10pm, it looks like you’ve dropped the ball.

Sure, on-board Wi-Fi will be useful, if that’s your only criterion. The stressed workaholics who manipulate spreadsheets in midair will soon be bogged down answering their emails as well, adding another furrow to their already creased brows. And we’ll be made aware of any emergency on the ground that genuinely needs our attention, along with thousands of other things that don’t, and will merely distract us.

On-board Wi-Fi will take away not only our own brief periods of calm, but that of other passengers. Because of course, in-flight Wi-Fi will allow us to make voice calls. So our fellow passengers will start conferencing into tedious Skype meetings and having long, intrusive conversations with their loved ones over WhatsApp’s voice service. Would-be social media moguls will start doing Facebook live video broadcasts from high above the ocean.

In short, it will ruin flying.

Get ready to see a lot more of these in your social media feeds. Picture: Getty ImagesSource:Getty Images

My Facebook and Instagram feeds are already full of annoying photos of people boasting about checking into the business or first lounge, oblivious of how this makes them look. Yes, I get that they’re all much richer than me, that a high resolution photo of the bubbles in French champagne looks amazing when freshly poured by a sommelier with white linen draped over their arm, and that Neil Perry’s exclusive hors d’oeuvres in the exclusive Marc Newson designed lounge look ever so tantalising, especially when enjoyed midway through a complimentary exclusive shiatsu massage.

But imagine if that annoying wealthy friend of yours is allowed to post sneering selfies from the middle of their first-class miniature on-board apartments all the way from Sydney to LA? Or stream the live feed as the cabin attendant uses golden tweezers to deposit individual balls of caviar onto their spoiled tongues? (I assume that’s why first class costs so much? I’ve never flown it, obviously.)

Allowing social sharing in the middle of a flight will only embolden the ever-growing army of Instadouchebags — or maybe I just need to unfollow a whole lot of people?

The in-flight Wi-Fi service will be available only on domestic flights at first, so passengers on Qantas’ forthcoming epic 17 hour Perth to London flight will be spared the dulcet tones of their neighbour having a loud argument with their ex via FaceTime audio all the way across the Indian Ocean. But it’ll happen soon enough.

Our tech companies might not be any good at stopping fake news, or filtering through the morass of notifications and messages we all receive every day to highlight the ones that are genuinely important. But they’re incredibly good at extending their reach into every aspect of our day.

Similarly, the airline industry hasn’t yet figured out how to make intercontinental flying substantially faster, cheaper or more environmentally friendly, or even how to cancel the devastating impact of jet lag and the risk of DVT for those who can’t afford flat-beds. Instead, they find ways to sell us more in-flight services.

So, if you have one of those jobs where you’re supposed to stay in touch 24/7, take a moment to bid farewell to the last place that is was permissible to chill out during a work day. And as for the rest of us, get ready to be disturbed by the logged-on passengers around you on a forthcoming flight.

All I can hope is that the system’s so pricey that none of us back in the cheap seats will be able to afford to use it. I know I won’t be.