What’s this I hear about Orlando Bloom and brain octane oil? I’m so glad you asked. The 44-year-old British actor has detailed his typical day in a first-person piece for the UK’s The Sunday Times Magazine – and social media has gone bonkers over it. Like all life truths, his regimen has everything to do with his star sign: “I’m a Capricorn you see, so I crave routine.” So we know this is going to end well.

Strapped in. So where do we begin? It starts ordinarily enough. Bloom wakes at 6.30am and inspects his sleep tracking app to check he’s had good rest. He’ll then spend some time with seven-month-old daughter Daisy Dove (“I’ll do eye-gazing with her and sing songs”) while his fiancee, singer Katy Perry, sleeps. After that, he’s on to 20 minutes of chanting – Bloom has been a practising Buddhist since he was 16. He’ll read “a bit of Buddhism” and then type it up for his Instagram page. “Other than that, I won’t look at my phone yet,” he says, despite looking at his phone, by my count, twice already.

Does the man eat? Not yet, not exactly anyway. In what seems on-brand for Legolas, Bloom has to “earn” his breakfast. So he starts with “some green powders that I mix with brain octane oil, collagen powder for my hair and nails and some protein”. It’s unclear how he consumes this concoction because it sure sounds like a truckload of powder. And if you’ve ever tried to eat raw Milo powder you know it’s not so easy.

OK hold up, what in the world is brain octane oil? Good question. It’s said to be made from caprylic acid, a type of fat sourced from coconuts for brain-powering, fat-burning ketone energy. It sounds pretty nifty, but accredited practising dietitian Simone Austin is not convinced. “If this was really a thing, we would have all done it before,” Austin says, explaining the evidence is lacking. “I would suggest people eat whole foods, so if you want the benefit of coconut, then eat coconut – for example on your muesli in the morning, or with yoghurt ... so you don’t also miss out on beneficial nutrients like dietary fibre.” The same goes for powdered foods: “Why not just eat the green vegetables? It’s how the nutrients interact together in the whole food that’s important.”

I’m getting “activated almond” flashbacks. True, we have a rich history of celebrities sharing their ridiculous routines, from paleo chef Pete Evans revealing to this publication back in 2012 (before things got really strange) that he consumed activated almonds and alkalised water. We’ve had Mark Wahlberg and his 2.30am wake-ups, 3.40am workouts and cryotherapy sessions. And more recently, actor-turned-wellness-guru Gwyneth Paltrow told us about her intuitive fasting, infrared sauna and kimchi for treating COVID-19 side-effects (which has been discredited by health professionals). When it comes to how we, the public, should interpret the whims of the rich and famous, Simone Austin puts it simply: “I go to celebrities to listen to music, for my entertainment, not for my health advice.”

Does Bloom eventually eat solid foods? At 9am, he allows himself some breakfast: porridge with hazelnut milk, cinnamon, vanilla paste, more hazelnuts, vegan protein powder and goji berries (a favourite treat of ex-wife Miranda Kerr). Lunch is vegetables or a stew and we can only assume dinner is similar. Bloom says he’s “90 per cent plant-based”, only eating red meat about once a month. You see, Bloom has a special affinity with cows: “I sometimes look at a cow and think, that’s the most beautiful thing ever.” And to be honest after googling “cow” and examining a few photos, I can sort of see where Bloom is coming from.