Question:

A person at work makes public displays of undermining my opinion and shows a level of antagonism, as well as passive-aggressive gaslighting.

While the ‘official’ first step of conflict resolution would be to talk to the person, I feel that if I address this behaviour, the reaction will be denial and result in me being accused of being overly sensitive. But I don’t want to avoid this person at work, either.

The motivation appears to be coming from a place of insecurity, but I am concerned this person could be a political player, whereas I’m more of a straight shooter. I don’t want to have to work in a team where I have to be guarded. Any suggestions?

Answer:

So, often readers write to Work Therapy knowing that an ‘official’ (as you put it) or textbook step towards resolving a problem is highly likely to fail. Corporate guidelines and ‘best practice’ HR recommendations can be helpful, but the truth is that because the trickiest work problems are often so complex, peculiar or sensitive, pre-written prescriptions tend to fall short. To dust off a threadbare cliche, one size rarely fits all in the workplace.

I asked Professor Dale Bagshaw, who’s Adjunct Professor for Justice and Society at the University of South Australia, what you might do given that addressing the behaviour formally seems pointless. She told me that you might still want to consider speaking with this person, but in a casual way.

“I would suggest that you invite your colleague for lunch or a coffee in an informal setting away from your workplace so you can get to know more about each other and your mutual interests, which may serve to ‘break the ice’.

“The focus of the conversation could be ‘How can we work together so we both feel comfortable in our respective roles and at the same time meet the interests and needs of the other workers and our clients?’”