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The idea was raised in a recent session with my psychologist.
I was expressing my belief that if I could just get up a bit earlier each day to meditate, my overall wellbeing would improve.
I expected my psychologist to agree and gently encourage me to find ways to prioritise it. Instead, she suggested I might be better off finding ways to do less, instead of adding more to my already jam-packed schedule.
It caught me by surprise. Like a lot of people, I've been conditioned to believe that doing more equates to getting better results.
Amantha Imber, an organisational psychologist, author and podcast host says while this type of thinking is common, it can be flawed.
"It leads to feelings of guilt, exhaustion, and burnout, because essentially, time is finite. Yet, we're always adding more things to our to-do list in the hope that it will get us ahead," Dr Imber says.
Introducing the to-don't list
Dr Imber was first introduced to the idea of to-don't lists from Rachel Botsman, a Trust Fellow from Oxford University. Items on Botsman's list include: not scheduling meetings between 8am and 11am and not doing "favours" because you feel bad.
As an avid user of to-do lists, Dr Imber was intrigued to work on her own. She now writes a monthly to-don't list and says it's a good way to regularly question how you're using your time.
"The purpose of a to-don't list is to reflect on habits you want to break or things you want to do differently," says Dr Imber.
"Obviously, there are things in life that do drain me, but I have to say yes to them because as a mother, for example, some things just have to get done."
"But a lot of the time, when I think about the things that are draining me, they're things that I can either stop doing or that I can delegate," explains Dr Imber.
For me, it's been an exercise in identifying the tasks I have the privilege and ability to stop doing. They include:
- Don't iron the kids' school shirts. (Instead, I put them on a super quick wrinkle-free cycle in the dryer and hang them up while they're still warm.)
- Don't overcommit to social engagements.
- Don't do household chores (such as putting on a load of washing or unpacking the dishwasher) on at least one of the three days I work from home.
What the list gave me
Using a to-don't list has helped me become more realistic about how much time and energy I have. Pressing pause on some things has freed up time, but more importantly, it's created some much-needed mental space.
Almost enough to reintroduce a less ambitious meditation practice, but only after I add something else to my to-don't list, of course.
Emily McGrorey is a freelance writer with a special interest in health, wellness and personal growth. She lives on Awabakal Land/Newcastle. Find her on Instagram @emily_mcgrorey.