Before we start, remember your trash could be my treasure, which is the whole point of craptastic.

For me, it’s Top Gun movies and markets which sell salt lamps, patchwork baby gear, candles and dog treats. Definitely Australia’s mania for big things, your Big Trout, Big Oyster, Big Bundy Bottle. So awesome and so crap.

Luna Park is craptastic. My beloved Melbourne Royal Show is too, redolent as it is with memories of KISS and Violet Crumble showbags in the ’80s and now those twirly sliced spuds on sticks and dogs being sprayed with Taft.

The Logies, on this weekend as luck would have it, are supremely craptastic. Nobody remembers they still exist, nobody watches, nobody gives a rat’s who wins. But there’s always a loose-cannon star or inappropriate segment or antics from nightclub kick ons which is the fantastic factor that elevates them.

The Brownlow Medal red carpet was craptastic until stylists hijacked it. In New South Wales, the Dally M count is still craptastic because the league WAGs are undaunted by the spectre of bad taste and spend $250 on a Pretty Little Thing number which they bedazzle for extra razzle.

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Reality TV was craptastic until contestants started going on it only to become influencers. Especially the sub-genre starring rock stars on the hunt. Your Flava Flav’s Flavor of Love and Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love, which was so deeply wrong I’ll be cancelled for mentioning it. All I need say is everyone was tanked all the time and one woman sung a rap she’d written for Bret on the back of a genital herpes instruction sheet. I could not look away.

Bottomless brunches for mums are craptastic for my mate Mia. For my daughter Sadie, it’s the races. My friend Sam cranked out a terrific list: “Seeing Chloe at Young & Jacksons, karaoke, Love Actually, the Leyland P76, Northcote Plaza, the Cheesecake Shop, Crocs and the KFC Two Piece Combo, especially when you get a breast and rib.”

Yes! That’s what I’m talking about.

Over to you. Is there a difference between craptastic and just crap? What’s on your list? Not Bicheno, according to Broadsheet, which just named it one of two must-visit Tassie towns.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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