Two in five Americans have argued with a family member and one in five has become estranged from them over controversial topics.

This is why I was curious about the work of Shriver, head of the American Special Olympics, and others, in creating a “dignity index” which enables people to use metrics by which they can assess the vitriol (or lack thereof) coming from their leaders and ask them to do better. Yes, we live in a climate of negativity – and yes, gloomy political campaigns can be effective in exploiting fears – but what if we tried another way, remembered what Paul Keating called the golden threads in our society, and demanded we pull on those instead?

The dignity index, created by a group called Unite, was grounded in research of behavioral sciences, communication, politics and social science.

A bipartisan panel ranks statements made by political leaders, media commentators and other prominent figures on television, social media and speeches according to how they frame other people. A score of one (contempt) means you see the other person as subhuman – even evil – thereby creating a moral necessity to attack and destroy them. A score of eight (dignity) means you refuse to hate, you view every person as having inherent worth and needing to be treated with dignity, and you have tried, as the cliched but true wisdom goes, to put yourself in their shoes. This also means you don’t impugn sinister motives, you just assess people by their statements and actions.

Here are some examples:

In January, Florida’s Governor, Ron DeSantis said on X, “The DC elites who facilitated this mess do not care about you, and they do not work for you. They work for themselves. They seek to accumulate power at your expense, to pursue an agenda that is harmful to the American people.” This scored three because it contained the meaning: “Those people hate us and want to hurt us.”

In the same month, Democrat Representative Dean Phillips told CNN that he met about 50 people while he was waiting in line at a Trump rally: “Every single one of them thoughtful, hospitable, friendly – all of them so frustrated that they feel nobody’s listening to them except Donald Trump.” The panel gave this a six – meaning they “can see the good in the other side”.

Some of the findings since the Dignity Index was launched two years ago have been fascinating. When people started using it, they began to question their own behaviour, and learn how contempt had crept into their own thinking. This is called the “mirror effect”. And even when panellists supported different candidates, they regularly agreed on dignity scores.

Utah’s republican governor, Spencer Cox, is frequently upheld as an example of someone who genuinely works on building bridges, who, when chair of the National Governor’s Association over the past year, introduced a “Disagree Better” initiative, trying to “forge alliances against partisan rancour”, and work together despite political differences.

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Cox made an excellent ad with his Democratic rival Chris Peterson in his first gubernatorial bid in 2020. In it, the men said things like, while of course they wanted different election outcomes, there were some things they agreed upon: “we can debate issues without degrading each other’s character” – “we can disagree without hating each other” - and “win or lose in Utah, we work together” – “let’s show the country there’s a better way”.

The ad was so popular, says Cox, “I could actually feel my faith in the American idea start to rekindle. It seemed like there was a hunger for architects instead of arsonists.”

There is an urgency in Shriver’s message now, both in the US and here, before contempt fully contaminates our politics. Don’t just call people out but call them in. Don’t talk about another group but to another group. Fight for your principles but add another principle – treating others with dignity.

We need to listen to these architects, vote for them, elevate them, become them.

Julia Baird is a journalist, author and regular columnist.