A wife's disinclination for carnal activity is clearly the consequence of bone-numbing fatigue. Even though women make up 50 per cent of the workforce, we're still doing about 99 per cent of all the housework and childcare.

Working mums juggle so much we could be in Cirque du Soleil. After a busy day, a fatigued mum races home to whip up a lasagne, find the lost sports kit, help make a spaceship out of Paddle Pop sticks, sew tinsel onto a fairy costume for an overdue homework assignment, finish the ironing, put the wash on, clean up the kitchen, read all the bedtime stories, and so on.

By the time she finally slumps into bed, the one thing she's fantasising about is sleep. And oh, how her heart sinks when she's just sliding into slumber then suddenly feels The Hand creeping across the sheets.

Men make horror movies called Psycho, or The Shining. What terrorises women – well, weary mothers at least – is The Hand.

It would appear that your hubby, the man who hasn't spoken to you all night nor helped with the dishes, thinks that you're in the mood for love. You're in the mood to garrotte him with the leftover tinsel you've accidentally glued to your chin.

And yet, he hasn't noticed. He's just prodding away at your clitoris as though it's an elevator button and he's running late for a meeting. All a weary wife wants to say is "Take the stairs!" There's so much emphasis on women faking orgasms, but what about men faking foreplay?

Is it any wonder that reclusive Trappist yogis living in caves could ring up married couples for tips on celibacy? If it weren't for department-store bra fittings, most married women wouldn't have any sex life. It's a chronic case of pre-coital depression.

But don't despair. Having quizzed female friends in their 60s, the good news is that once the kids leave home, carnal appetites rekindle. It's like when it slips your mind that you've put your windscreen wipers on intermittent. You've forgotten all about it and then – whoosh!

Plus knowing how good sex is for our memories is quite an incentive. We just have to remember to have it.